Facebook, Twitter, Tumbler, Friendster, Four Square & InstaGram just to name a few are some of Americas top social networking sites. I have all of these and some I am shamelessly addicted too I am sorry to say. While most of it is to keep our family up to date on our goings on because there are many miles between us...I have to admit that I use mine to update on almost everything. I check my friends and like or comment on there goings on and I even post pics.......LOTS OF PICS.
It has come to my attention that while we may just love these sites and check them before we are even fully wake each morning (GUILTY!) that is truly breaking down the type of friendships we need to have. We talk more on facebook than in person, we read way to much into letters on a screen and get mad, happy or even break up over something that was taken the wrong way. You cant read emotion into 147 letters, you cant see a smile in black and white and we most certainly cannot get the camaraderie that can only be found in a group of friends with a computer screen. Yes at times its the only way we can have interaction with others, epically when miles separate you. But we cannot let it subsitue for live interaction with friends.
You post "Going out to eat" and lets say something happens and you don't or you decide to eat in instead and then friends start posting vague comments about how people don't do what they say and blah blah blah. What happened to good old fashioned back stabbing instead of vague post?
You post "Gosh people irritate the hell out of me!" (so guilty of this one!) and then 5 friends are not talking to you because they think its about them. When in reality is more than likely a grouchy client at work, guy who cut you off on the way home or your spouse.
You post "HA HA you deserve that one" on someones status totally joking and then you lost a friend because o the words in black and white that you cant see the persons intent behind.
My life has enough drama in it caused by family, or activities we belong too (not really drama but you know what I mean) and I don't have the time to explain everything I put on social media outlets.
I want to sit down with my friends for dinner, while we let the kids play, go to a movie or just 10 mins on the phone and laugh, talk and catch up with one another instead of reading everything on a social media and then 50% of the time take it the wrong way.
So with the exception of family...I am off of facebook for 30 days. I want to see how I feel when its all said and done; and I am only going to look once a day. (Ok so maybe we will start slow on that).
I am also going to be texting less. If we are not a work, Church or some other organized function I am going to call....get over it. LIsten to my voice mail and text me back but I wont be texting back, I am going to be calling. We need to get back to human interaction and less hiding behind a screen.
I Usually send 7,500-10,000 text messages a month....thats going to be no more than 5,000 (to start) next month my goal is to be 2,500 then 1,000. Dont like it? Get over it! We use to interact, laugh and have fun. So lets start that again. It worked for almost 2,000 years before text messaging and social media...it can work again.
Me and my hubby dont email, or text or even social media each other (we have and do ocassionally....like les then once a month)....WE TALK TO EACH OTHER.
If your mad at me... TELL ME, say "I am mad at you right now, will talk later" it takes less energy to tell someone that than it takes to ignore them...escially when you ignore them and they dont get the point.
So lets see how this 30 days unfolds. I might give up and check more than I should. I might send you a text, that I am mad at you. But I am going to spend the next 30 days doing as much human interaction as possible and see how it effects my life. Hopefully the impact will be positive and life changing (in a good way :) )
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Preva's (or Franks Redhot) Buffalo Chicken Ranch Dip
Below is my most popular post ever...156 views. Its even been tagged on Pinterest (my highest honor) and this recipe is undoubtly my all-time favorite recipe, most requested and most served at parties. You can make it with more Franks than it calls for (what we do). Even my young kids eat this dip; I never have leftovers!!
Its simply the best..... I lost it once...so I blogged it..in case I ever loose my hard copy...I have viral!
http://giftfarms.blogspot.com/2012/12/prevas-buffalo-chicken-ranch-dip.html
Its simply the best..... I lost it once...so I blogged it..in case I ever loose my hard copy...I have viral!
http://giftfarms.blogspot.com/2012/12/prevas-buffalo-chicken-ranch-dip.html
Monday, June 17, 2013
Like a Body of Water...How God is like water
One afternoon while soaking in my tub with my newest book I started to think about life and water. I mean I was surrounded by it and I did just hit 30 so for me to easily jump to this train of thought isn't a far reach.
My hubby the pool man says one gallon of water weights 8lbs (give or take a few ounces), so water has weight, but we cant hold it with our hands, we can see it, though it is clear but it has no color. We can see the effects of water more easily than the water it self. Moss, algae, mold, plant life, rock formations..are all effects of water. When we peer into a lake we see a dark water...in reality the water is not dark but due to waters clear ability we can see the dark dirtiness under the water. We need water to live, we will die of dehydration more quickly than starving, we need it to get clean, to wash dirty objects and to revive plant life, to grow crops and hydrate our livestock. We cannot live with out it.
So how is God like Water?
Well we are baptised in water..it washes away our sins like we wash away the dirt from the day. God will cleanse us and make us new. We need it to live, sure we can live apart from God but the life with out God is unfulfilled, empty and full of heartbreak..like water is given to someone how hasn't had it...our lives apart from God can become refreshed, new and we can live again by living with God in our lives the same way we drink a glass of water.
We cant see God, but we can see the effects of God in our lives just like we can visit the grand canyon and see the effects of water. If we live with God in our lives but let sin grow in our hearts we become like that dirty lake...it has water on the surface but moss and algae grow beneath it and become a slippery slope. Also like the lake if we slip and fall on sin we are surrounded by God who will lift us and renew us. God provides us with food to eat, the same way a lake provided a place for our fish to swim and grow for us to eat, and like a body of water where you will find God you will find sin and satan trying to hurt you a lot like the deadly water moccasin snake who hides on the banks and in the dirty bottoms waiting to strike and temp you.
Like how we start our day with a shower, start your day with quite time with God. Both will renew and refresh you, wash away sins and dirt from the prior day and start us with a bounce in our step and song in our hearts.
I may be off base on my thinking so please correct me if I am wrong but while sitting in my tub catching up on the twilight books (i really needed to see what all the fuss was about, not a half bad story i might say) I have to say...its a pretty good similarity. Since God created water for to help nurture us...I can see how it is like God.
My hubby the pool man says one gallon of water weights 8lbs (give or take a few ounces), so water has weight, but we cant hold it with our hands, we can see it, though it is clear but it has no color. We can see the effects of water more easily than the water it self. Moss, algae, mold, plant life, rock formations..are all effects of water. When we peer into a lake we see a dark water...in reality the water is not dark but due to waters clear ability we can see the dark dirtiness under the water. We need water to live, we will die of dehydration more quickly than starving, we need it to get clean, to wash dirty objects and to revive plant life, to grow crops and hydrate our livestock. We cannot live with out it.
So how is God like Water?
Well we are baptised in water..it washes away our sins like we wash away the dirt from the day. God will cleanse us and make us new. We need it to live, sure we can live apart from God but the life with out God is unfulfilled, empty and full of heartbreak..like water is given to someone how hasn't had it...our lives apart from God can become refreshed, new and we can live again by living with God in our lives the same way we drink a glass of water.
We cant see God, but we can see the effects of God in our lives just like we can visit the grand canyon and see the effects of water. If we live with God in our lives but let sin grow in our hearts we become like that dirty lake...it has water on the surface but moss and algae grow beneath it and become a slippery slope. Also like the lake if we slip and fall on sin we are surrounded by God who will lift us and renew us. God provides us with food to eat, the same way a lake provided a place for our fish to swim and grow for us to eat, and like a body of water where you will find God you will find sin and satan trying to hurt you a lot like the deadly water moccasin snake who hides on the banks and in the dirty bottoms waiting to strike and temp you.
Like how we start our day with a shower, start your day with quite time with God. Both will renew and refresh you, wash away sins and dirt from the prior day and start us with a bounce in our step and song in our hearts.
I may be off base on my thinking so please correct me if I am wrong but while sitting in my tub catching up on the twilight books (i really needed to see what all the fuss was about, not a half bad story i might say) I have to say...its a pretty good similarity. Since God created water for to help nurture us...I can see how it is like God.
Monday, January 7, 2013
NKJV Proverbs 1
I know your probably thinking..Umm wasn't she just on Matthew? Yes I was..but I felt that Proverbs should be read...so We are going to proverbs.
Chapter 1is the proverbs of Solomon son of David, King of Israel, is teaching us to fear God and to follow him, listen to Him and take heed of this warning.
S.O.A.P.
Scripture
Proverbs 1: 29-33
29 Since they hated knowledge and did not choose to fear the Lord
30 since they would not accept my advice and spurned my rebuke,
31 they will be filled with the fruit of their schemes
32 For they waywardness of the simple will kill the and the complacency of fools will destroy them
33 But whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at easy, without fear of harm
Observation
Choosing not to listen to the Lord will only end in undesirable results, but those who choose to follow the Lord will be free from harm.
Application
Thank goodness for second chances and forgiveness right? Because we sin every day, all day and sometimes we commit the same sin we said we wouldn't. We ask for forgiveness and look to God for his guidance and we try to do better. What I believe God is talking about is those who willingly choose to do wrong, all the time, and do it because its going to harm someone. We all have done that in the past as well...but we can ask for forgiveness and not do it again.
Prayer
Dear Lord,
I ask that you help us follow your path, be more courteous, thoughtful and try not to harm on purpose. I ask that you forgive me for all my sins...I am guilty of some of these things if not all and I ask that you help me not do it again. I am sorry for cutting the guy off this morning, I honestly figured I would have more time and I didn't think he would get so mad. I ask that you be with Ann as she is hurting Lord, wrap your arms around her and give her the comfort that only you can. Be with K as she is still dealing with these things, I asked you to put D in D's place and you have Lord and it was painless. I thank you for that. You do move mountains.
Watch over us as we go to school, work and home today Lord, bring us back together and let us dwell as a family.
Amen
Chapter 1is the proverbs of Solomon son of David, King of Israel, is teaching us to fear God and to follow him, listen to Him and take heed of this warning.
S.O.A.P.
Scripture
Proverbs 1: 29-33
29 Since they hated knowledge and did not choose to fear the Lord
30 since they would not accept my advice and spurned my rebuke,
31 they will be filled with the fruit of their schemes
32 For they waywardness of the simple will kill the and the complacency of fools will destroy them
33 But whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at easy, without fear of harm
Observation
Choosing not to listen to the Lord will only end in undesirable results, but those who choose to follow the Lord will be free from harm.
Application
Thank goodness for second chances and forgiveness right? Because we sin every day, all day and sometimes we commit the same sin we said we wouldn't. We ask for forgiveness and look to God for his guidance and we try to do better. What I believe God is talking about is those who willingly choose to do wrong, all the time, and do it because its going to harm someone. We all have done that in the past as well...but we can ask for forgiveness and not do it again.
Prayer
Dear Lord,
I ask that you help us follow your path, be more courteous, thoughtful and try not to harm on purpose. I ask that you forgive me for all my sins...I am guilty of some of these things if not all and I ask that you help me not do it again. I am sorry for cutting the guy off this morning, I honestly figured I would have more time and I didn't think he would get so mad. I ask that you be with Ann as she is hurting Lord, wrap your arms around her and give her the comfort that only you can. Be with K as she is still dealing with these things, I asked you to put D in D's place and you have Lord and it was painless. I thank you for that. You do move mountains.
Watch over us as we go to school, work and home today Lord, bring us back together and let us dwell as a family.
Amen
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Break
Ok I took a break, not for any particular reason except life has been so busy for us the last 3 months and its about to get busy again and I needed some cool down time..to do nothing, read, watch my netflix movies I have had FOREVER and to just be me. While during that time I didn't go far from social media or pinterst I did stay off blogger...No reason. I will be back tomorrow! So Stay turned!
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
NKJV Matthew 9
Hi Ho Hi Ho its off the work I go! I am ready for my routine! I know write that down but I am I miss the predictable and in a few weeks I will be begging for a 5 days off again. I know I will as our show seasons is starting to heat up. Fort Worth Stock Shows is always the first of the season, while we have no way of winning this ( don't get me wrong, my kid & her goats are winners....its just a different set of standards than we breed too) we just like to be a part of such a historic event.
Hope all of yalls New Years were good, lets hope this year is the year we keep our resolutions and make some changes. I need too...Seriously need too.
Chapter 9
Right out of the gate in Chapter 9 Jesus heals a paralytic, then he calls Matthew who was sitting at a tax collectors both and has dinner with him in his home. Jesus is then questioned about fasting, how come Johns disciples do it but Jesus disciples do not. He then raises a girl from the dead and heals a woman who had been bleeding for 12 years; he then goes on to heal the blind and mute.
S.O.A.P.
Scripture
Matthew 9: 13
But go and learn what this means :" I desire mercy, no sacrifice". For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.
Observation
Simply put Jesus is responding to the Pharisees telling them that just because Matthew is not of their social standing dose not mean he is not worth of Jesus. He is there for everyone not just the wealthy or upstanding citizens of the community, but for everyone including those that everyone hates.
Application
We all do it, we look down our noses at someone for their clothes, social standing or behavior when in reality we shouldn't judge but have mercy. We can just preach to the wealthy but we must preach to the non wealthy and to those who others think done deserve it.
Prayer
Dear Lord,
I ask for your forgiveness in this area, for I am not as diligent as I should be. I also ask you help me to see the good in everyone. I Thank you for this day and new year Lord, I ask that you help me with my resolutions...for this year they are vitally important. I also ask that you be with K, as you know her needs and struggles in the same area where I struggle..give her peace and understanding. I ask that you be with Ann, I cant imagine loosing a daughter. Be with L, and her addiction, help the recovery come soon and last long, with S, C, H, T, J , B, J as we return to work, may their business grow. Be with Lois's family as they are still dealing with their sudden loss, be with all the parents and families who lost their kids at school....makes sending mine so much hard, I hold tighter, cry more. Be with them...for they are all suffering and dealing with a loss no parent should ever face. Bless this day and let it glorify you. Let us travel safely today Lord and come back home to dwell as a family.
In your heavenly name,
Amen
Hope all of yalls New Years were good, lets hope this year is the year we keep our resolutions and make some changes. I need too...Seriously need too.
Chapter 9
Right out of the gate in Chapter 9 Jesus heals a paralytic, then he calls Matthew who was sitting at a tax collectors both and has dinner with him in his home. Jesus is then questioned about fasting, how come Johns disciples do it but Jesus disciples do not. He then raises a girl from the dead and heals a woman who had been bleeding for 12 years; he then goes on to heal the blind and mute.
S.O.A.P.
Scripture
Matthew 9: 13
But go and learn what this means :" I desire mercy, no sacrifice". For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.
Observation
Simply put Jesus is responding to the Pharisees telling them that just because Matthew is not of their social standing dose not mean he is not worth of Jesus. He is there for everyone not just the wealthy or upstanding citizens of the community, but for everyone including those that everyone hates.
Application
We all do it, we look down our noses at someone for their clothes, social standing or behavior when in reality we shouldn't judge but have mercy. We can just preach to the wealthy but we must preach to the non wealthy and to those who others think done deserve it.
Prayer
Dear Lord,
I ask for your forgiveness in this area, for I am not as diligent as I should be. I also ask you help me to see the good in everyone. I Thank you for this day and new year Lord, I ask that you help me with my resolutions...for this year they are vitally important. I also ask that you be with K, as you know her needs and struggles in the same area where I struggle..give her peace and understanding. I ask that you be with Ann, I cant imagine loosing a daughter. Be with L, and her addiction, help the recovery come soon and last long, with S, C, H, T, J , B, J as we return to work, may their business grow. Be with Lois's family as they are still dealing with their sudden loss, be with all the parents and families who lost their kids at school....makes sending mine so much hard, I hold tighter, cry more. Be with them...for they are all suffering and dealing with a loss no parent should ever face. Bless this day and let it glorify you. Let us travel safely today Lord and come back home to dwell as a family.
In your heavenly name,
Amen
Monday, December 31, 2012
Breaking Glass part 2
Lol ok so I was on Pinterest and saw this cool makeup brush holder. Made from a pickle jar!
So here we go!
Get two pickle jars
Measure cotton twine and tie on jar...tightly
1)Slip of and soak in lighter fluid
2) Slip back on jar
3) Light with a match
4) Turn jar slowly with flame
When twine has a blackness too it
( should take less than a minute)
5) Dunk on ice water, you will hear a pop and the top should break off, if not turn bottom one way and top other. Should come right off
6) soak off label with goo gone
7) mix Modge Podge with glitter
8) paint jar with mixture
9) sprinkle more glitter on top of glue!
10) after 24hrs spray with Modge Podge clear coat sealer
The display!
So here we go!
Get two pickle jars
Measure cotton twine and tie on jar...tightly
1)Slip of and soak in lighter fluid
2) Slip back on jar
3) Light with a match
4) Turn jar slowly with flame
When twine has a blackness too it
( should take less than a minute)
5) Dunk on ice water, you will hear a pop and the top should break off, if not turn bottom one way and top other. Should come right off
6) soak off label with goo gone
7) mix Modge Podge with glitter
8) paint jar with mixture
9) sprinkle more glitter on top of glue!
10) after 24hrs spray with Modge Podge clear coat sealer
The display!
Resolutions!
Over the years I have made resolutions, made non resolutions and even broke them all! I know so awful! Here are a few from 2011, 2010, 2009 So here I go again making, not making my resolutions.
2013 New Years Resolutions
1) Loose Weight
I know we all say this, but I have to do this!! I have to do this!! I need it for my health! Seriously
2) I am going to shave at least once a week
Joke if you want, but sometimes its once a month!
3) Go to Church and work on my bible study
4) Watch my mouth!
I hear you all being shocked, but its true ,I Carolyn and I have a dirty mouth. I need to clean it up!
5) Spend more time with my kids
6) My schedule is going to be more free and flexible, and if that means less goat shows, then well by golly Less shows it is!
7) I want another baby, or at least be preggors by 12/31/2013. But I need to complete # 1 to do # 7
I think that's it! I do hope your 2013 is better than your 2012, that all your goals and dreams come true.
Love to All,
Carolyn
2013 New Years Resolutions
1) Loose Weight
I know we all say this, but I have to do this!! I have to do this!! I need it for my health! Seriously
2) I am going to shave at least once a week
Joke if you want, but sometimes its once a month!
3) Go to Church and work on my bible study
4) Watch my mouth!
I hear you all being shocked, but its true ,I Carolyn and I have a dirty mouth. I need to clean it up!
5) Spend more time with my kids
6) My schedule is going to be more free and flexible, and if that means less goat shows, then well by golly Less shows it is!
7) I want another baby, or at least be preggors by 12/31/2013. But I need to complete # 1 to do # 7
I think that's it! I do hope your 2013 is better than your 2012, that all your goals and dreams come true.
Love to All,
Carolyn
NKJV Matthew 7-8
Well its new years eve, and as usual we have no plans. I kind of like that idea because we can make our own and go with the flow, we are not obligated to be somewhere for a certain amount of time etc.
Chapter 7-8
7 - Is full of helpful advice, golden rule, not judging other, and giving what is right. This Chapter will give you all the wonderful sayings we grew up with. I always herd people say them but didn't rightly know their or gin.
8- Finds Jesus healing a man with Leprosy and Peters mother of her fever. Jesus and his disciples were traveling by boat, a awful storm came up and started to rock the boat. The men awoke Jesus and told him they were about to drown, he stated "You of little faith, who are you so afraid" and he calmed the storm with his hands.
S.O.A.P.
Scripture
Matthew 7:1-2
Do not Judge; or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
Observation
For if you judge you will be judged the same way with the same intensity.
Application
Its so hard not to judge, we all do it especially women. "Oh what was she thinking with that outfit" or "did you see her hair" and most commonly with women we see an unsavory character and we clutch our purse a little tighter, we pay attention a little more. Now while that can save your life or even help a stranger we tend to do it when no threat is evident.
Prayer
Dear Lord,
I do not judge as often as other, but in saying that I am judging! Go figure! I ask that you help me not to Judge and you know I do...more often then I want to admit! I ask for forgiveness for my sins and for my judging! I also ask that you be there for Ann, Kim and D and all of my friends and family as we enter this new year. I ask that we keep our resolutions and achieve our goals. Help us not to quit!
Amen
Chapter 7-8
7 - Is full of helpful advice, golden rule, not judging other, and giving what is right. This Chapter will give you all the wonderful sayings we grew up with. I always herd people say them but didn't rightly know their or gin.
8- Finds Jesus healing a man with Leprosy and Peters mother of her fever. Jesus and his disciples were traveling by boat, a awful storm came up and started to rock the boat. The men awoke Jesus and told him they were about to drown, he stated "You of little faith, who are you so afraid" and he calmed the storm with his hands.
S.O.A.P.
Scripture
Matthew 7:1-2
Do not Judge; or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
Observation
For if you judge you will be judged the same way with the same intensity.
Application
Its so hard not to judge, we all do it especially women. "Oh what was she thinking with that outfit" or "did you see her hair" and most commonly with women we see an unsavory character and we clutch our purse a little tighter, we pay attention a little more. Now while that can save your life or even help a stranger we tend to do it when no threat is evident.
Prayer
Dear Lord,
I do not judge as often as other, but in saying that I am judging! Go figure! I ask that you help me not to Judge and you know I do...more often then I want to admit! I ask for forgiveness for my sins and for my judging! I also ask that you be there for Ann, Kim and D and all of my friends and family as we enter this new year. I ask that we keep our resolutions and achieve our goals. Help us not to quit!
Amen
Saturday, December 29, 2012
In a slump
November 19, 2011 my grandfather died the day after we did his Thanksgiving meal. Grandaddy had Alzheimer's for 7 years that we know of, and in the end throat cancer is what killed him. Grandaddy always beat what ever odd or prediction they set for him. Doctors said
Only 5 years in Alzheimer's
Only 6 weeks to live with Cancer
Hospice said only 2 weeks until hes gone.
Grandaddy
Lasted 7 years with Alzheimer's
Almost 8 months after the prognosis of Cancer
Lasted 4 weeks when they said 2
His passing took me by surprise, I knew it was coming. Yes I had time to prepare and during those last few months God blessed me with a few moments of knowing he knew who I was; it had been 7 long years of him not knowing me. Its selfish I know but I really wanted to know he didn't forget me. I expected grandaddy to surpass them all and a cure for Alzheimer's would be found, he would get it and be cured!! I know many of you say that's not realistic expectation but I am sorry I believe in a God where that is totally possible! I am not mad at God in anyway for him passing, I am sad that one of the most important people in my life is now gone.
November 5, 2012 my grandmother (my grandaddys wife) also passed away from cancer. She was an utter surprise, yes she was declining but its par for the course, unfortunately, with Alzheimer's. The quick passing from cancer was a shock. Seriously 3 days from diagnosis to death.
I know that its life, with birth there is death and no matter what..it hurts. I have honestly been in a kind of slump the last few months and haven't been able to pull my self from it. I dont think I am depressed as I survive on little sleep (because I cant quit reading at night, dang Nook allowing me to read in the dark! lol :) ), I dont feel depressed, I dont cry (well all moms cry but I mean no more than the norm), I dont have dark or bad thoughts, I enjoy life and I laugh all the time, I have been keeping to my self more often and everyone says I have been weird. I have been really busy with family and agriculture obligations the past 4 months and I have drifted from my friends who are not in either of those worlds; so that may contribute to the "weird-ness" they feel.
The only purpose of this post is I guess to put it on paper and maybe putting it there will help me.
Dear Lord,
I ask that you remove this slump from me, I feel as its the devil trying to use the death of my grandmother to make me feel this way. Other than being more of a homebody I enjoy life, my friends, family. I also ask that you be with Ann as she has to bury her daughter today and be with her step grand kids and her daughters husband. Also ask that you be with my JB Yolanda as she is dealing with a personal issue that you know all about Lord. I also ask you be with K.P. Lord as she is dealing with personal conflicts and give them all 3 Lord a peace, understanding and comfort that can only come from you. Let them be open to your Love and will for them, help them to see what you have in store for them. I ask that you be with my step daughter and you know all to well the issues that lye there and the hurts, pains and resentment. That is totally in your hard, and I ask that you will be done on that. I also ask that you find a right place for D in our lives, I know where D fits now is not where D should be, I ask that the process be painless. While i think D is where I want D to be, D should not be there. D is very important to us Lord, but you already know that. I ask that D still be our lives and as much apart of our lives as D has always been but that the feelings and hurts be push aside and D be who D should be. I know that to those reading this it may sound confusing but Lord you know who D is even if I did change the names to Protect them.
Forgive me for all my sin, for they are great as they are wide and I know I am forgiven help me to feel that forgiveness for the old sins that still bother me to this day.
I Love you,
Amen
Me...Carolyn...the one who rambles and is trying to find my way back to you :)
Only 5 years in Alzheimer's
Only 6 weeks to live with Cancer
Hospice said only 2 weeks until hes gone.
Grandaddy
Lasted 7 years with Alzheimer's
Almost 8 months after the prognosis of Cancer
Lasted 4 weeks when they said 2
His passing took me by surprise, I knew it was coming. Yes I had time to prepare and during those last few months God blessed me with a few moments of knowing he knew who I was; it had been 7 long years of him not knowing me. Its selfish I know but I really wanted to know he didn't forget me. I expected grandaddy to surpass them all and a cure for Alzheimer's would be found, he would get it and be cured!! I know many of you say that's not realistic expectation but I am sorry I believe in a God where that is totally possible! I am not mad at God in anyway for him passing, I am sad that one of the most important people in my life is now gone.
November 5, 2012 my grandmother (my grandaddys wife) also passed away from cancer. She was an utter surprise, yes she was declining but its par for the course, unfortunately, with Alzheimer's. The quick passing from cancer was a shock. Seriously 3 days from diagnosis to death.
I know that its life, with birth there is death and no matter what..it hurts. I have honestly been in a kind of slump the last few months and haven't been able to pull my self from it. I dont think I am depressed as I survive on little sleep (because I cant quit reading at night, dang Nook allowing me to read in the dark! lol :) ), I dont feel depressed, I dont cry (well all moms cry but I mean no more than the norm), I dont have dark or bad thoughts, I enjoy life and I laugh all the time, I have been keeping to my self more often and everyone says I have been weird. I have been really busy with family and agriculture obligations the past 4 months and I have drifted from my friends who are not in either of those worlds; so that may contribute to the "weird-ness" they feel.
The only purpose of this post is I guess to put it on paper and maybe putting it there will help me.
Dear Lord,
I ask that you remove this slump from me, I feel as its the devil trying to use the death of my grandmother to make me feel this way. Other than being more of a homebody I enjoy life, my friends, family. I also ask that you be with Ann as she has to bury her daughter today and be with her step grand kids and her daughters husband. Also ask that you be with my JB Yolanda as she is dealing with a personal issue that you know all about Lord. I also ask you be with K.P. Lord as she is dealing with personal conflicts and give them all 3 Lord a peace, understanding and comfort that can only come from you. Let them be open to your Love and will for them, help them to see what you have in store for them. I ask that you be with my step daughter and you know all to well the issues that lye there and the hurts, pains and resentment. That is totally in your hard, and I ask that you will be done on that. I also ask that you find a right place for D in our lives, I know where D fits now is not where D should be, I ask that the process be painless. While i think D is where I want D to be, D should not be there. D is very important to us Lord, but you already know that. I ask that D still be our lives and as much apart of our lives as D has always been but that the feelings and hurts be push aside and D be who D should be. I know that to those reading this it may sound confusing but Lord you know who D is even if I did change the names to Protect them.
Forgive me for all my sin, for they are great as they are wide and I know I am forgiven help me to feel that forgiveness for the old sins that still bother me to this day.
I Love you,
Amen
Me...Carolyn...the one who rambles and is trying to find my way back to you :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
.
Posts
