Then a friend lost her son to it.
Pandemic
brought more than fear to my house hold, it brought food shortages, mental
health issues, cancelled year and a 19yr marriage almost dissolved.
In July of
2021 I can safely say the scars of the pandemic still run deep. Yes I am still
wearing my mask, staying away from crowds, picking who I hang with.
Jan 2020 I
was diagnosed with IIH, Intercrainal Hypertension...something that sounds like
high blood pressure but isn't. Long Story short is my brain thinks I have a tumor
(I dont) so if floods my head with CSF fluid to protect it self, which causes
vision issues, incredible head pressure, headaches, ear pressure problems
including hearing loss and the chance of stroke. This cannot be cured but it can
be managed by one of 3 routes. First being medication Topamax or Diamox, second
option is lumbar punctures and finally a shunt. All 3 carry their own risks,
rewards and neither is fun. January 2020 I started on Topamax that was slowly
increased from 25mg to almost 200mg over the course of few months, this
medication was horrible to adjust to and get on. By Mid March early April I was
firmly on the new dose. April was also smack dab in the middle of Texas shut
down, so for months my mental health declined and no one noticed. Friendships
where reduced to facebook, text and phone calls but if you only talk to a friend
via text message 24/7 they dont notice the little things that eventually added
up. Melissa a friend who I met through my oldest in 4H called one day to chat, I
had mentioned starting Topamax...she mentioned taking it. We talked about the
hardships of getting on it, daily struggles (its nick name is Dopamax because it
feels like your out of it) something I said during that conversation had her
calling back. No I wasn't depressed just...idk how to even describe it. My
anxiety was at a def con 10 level and rising, so Melissa kept calling. Yes we
talk often but not weekly, or even every other week before Topamax but she kept
calling every other day. She noticed the decline in me when others didn't,
possibly because she knew the struggle personally. One day she begged me to call
my doctor, asking for a change. So i did...Diamox was issued and Topamax was
solely weaned off (with it came withdraws, anxiety at a level I had never
experienced) and Diamox was slowly introduced.
By this time its mid-fall going
into November when I finally come out of my Topamax fog.
My husband didnt even
notice How can a husband of 19yrs not notice the mental health decline of his
wife? Well that part was easy! He was texting, talking and having an emotional
relationship with a woman from work. Aug 2020-Jan 2021. January 2021 is when I
found out.
I should say in March of 2020 my oldest was suppose to get her
drivers license and my youngest his eval for Autism, neither of which happened.
School was cancelled, groceries where hard to find and I had a undiagnosed High
Functioning Autistic kid who was out of control because we couldn't get any help,
mainly due to no diagnosis then followed by Pandemic. December 2020 we have our
diagnosis, ABA is started, Jan 8th 2021 we finally see a doctor who can
prescribe medication to him. We are finally making some headway, he is MUCH
better than 2020 but still has struggles like most ASD kids.
Jan 25th 2021
Husband comes home from work on a Friday and tells me he wants to take the
weekend off to think things over, lol umm no if anyone is getting a hotel room
for the weekend its me. The mom who single handily took care of both kids, worked
from home and homeschooled the both of them. Momma is tired! He proceeds to tell
me I have done my part as a wife/mother I can have the house, car, everything
hes just going to walk away. Umm what? This was such a curve from left field I
couldn't follow the play, questions start to flying and he abruptly says "Fine
Ill stay and work it out" My head still spins and cant fully grasp all that
transpired that Friday.
That Sunday night something told me to check the cell phone records, sure enough in the month of January 1500 messages to one number had been exchanged, a number I didn't know. So I checked his phone (this was at 12am) sure enough the number was in his phone as Kristin Hartani. LOL Of course his butt needed to get up and explain somethings, he tells me they are just friends. I call BS on that.
So that Monday I show up to his work, bring cookies to the office and put a face with the name. While I am in the office she is sending a email to my husband that they need to talk. She thinks about him alot, she can only be truth ful about her feelings how she cares for him and finally that I am in the office checking up. Something tells me on the way home that to check his email, so I do and find that email in his deleted folder (I mean she did title it "Delete") The truth finally comes out, along with it alot of stuff he now says he didnt mean. Of course he says that now, hes been told how deeply its hurt me!
I am a pretty good private eye on my own but I did enlist the help of a professional. Kristin Hartani moved to Texas in 2015 from Florida, has two kids and is married to Mohamed Hartani for 20+ years. She speaks another language, has a brother locally, a father & mother who passed up north and her husband pays for a expensive house with no job. The cars are also financed by USAA. Which is important to note that you can only get USAA if a sibling, parent, self or spouse (her kids are not old enough) can use. Armed with alot of information, I go and meet the homewrecker in person. Yes I know he was just an active in this as her, but shes married with kids and still actively sought a relationship with my husband. I have nothing to be ashamed about in this, she how ever does not like that I call her on her game. I proceed to tell her how the cow is going to eat the cabbage because that email she sent? Well it was a direct violation of the employee code of conduct (and a newly formed clause, because this same situation had happened in another dept and lead to a law suit), sent on a company email to a employee email during office hours and she was in her probation period too.
The days that followed my husband becomes very open, he tells me she blocked him on social media ...he was depressed about it (which i can only assume he did talk to her in person for a few days because there is no trace on his phone) then I start telling him I finally have my background report on her. This woman knows a ton about me, only fair I know more about her. So he starts asking, I start sharing info that can be proved, backed up and verified...what I didnt know is that the info I had poked holes in her story. Example she told him no one in her family had served in the army, she was a orphan, she was sole bread winner of the house hold husband didn't work. How did the pay the mortgage on a 2K a month home, car notes, utilities on her salary that didn't even being to make that much. This point he starts to feel betrayed and I still dont know how to process those feelings in that moment. I cannot sympathize with him because I so intensely dislike her, anger, hurt, betrayal those are my emotions.
Since January 30th 2021 when I found everything my husband has worked to restore the brokenness in our marriage, counseling, weekend marriage retreats etc. God is the only one who can restore whats been broken and hes been doing that. I still carry around scars from this that run so deep they hurt to look at, some day I hope to be able to to look back and only feel Gods presence in this instead of tidal wave I feel now.
Let me also say that in times like this is best to have a good friend, your person in life who isn't scared to do some shady stuff. So shout out to Katie because girl, while you have always had my back you single handily carried me for months. You & God are the only reasons I am not in jail or a mental headcase, you two put me back together when I couldn't even find the pieces..kept me sane and refused to let me lay in bed and waller.
Other things the Pandemic taught me: Food & Medicine Storage
Yes here we are months later and Costco/Sams still get regular orders from me. Stocking up on food has become almost an obsession that I do know has to stop.
2020 & 2021 hasn't been the kindest to me, but God always prevails...Light in the darkness
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