The below post I started on Mothers Day Eve but didn't finish, today (June 3, 2025) I realized that it had been 16years since I started this blog and over those years I've shared a lot of my past, trials, struggles, heartbreak, good moments and odd things. Pretty sure at this point no one is even reading it (if you are say hi!)
Not sure if I will continue this blog, will keep it active through incase there is something you love ive shared. Over the past 5yrs me updating it has become less and less. Life has just been busy and I only post when I have something to share.
16 years is a long time to keep at something
Enjoy
Mothers day for many is a basket of mixed emotions, its not all neatly tied up with a bow like Hallmark commercials make it seam. Some of us had no moms, good ones that are now gone and bad ones.
Mine falls in the later category and I've spent years in a therapist chair untangling the web she weaved.
Fear I am failing my kids all the time as I try to live to a standard that's in my head (June Cleaver, Rosanne, Mom from 7th Heaven). Want to give my kids the mom that I didn't have, the mom they deserve but feel I fail constantly.
Don't have enough time, didn't listen enough, too overstimulated, trauma triggers, patience thin and coffee obsessed.
Effects of a Mom good or Bad....rule the world. The tenacles of that upbringing are far reaching. Passed down generations, hangs around your neck, effects thoughts, confidence, relations. Who we, how we talk, private thoughts, emotions are is shaped by the one who rocked the cradle..good or bad.
I've spent the past 3yrs working to trace everything trigger to the source, work through it so it no longer claims me. My kids deserve a mom that's healed, whole or at least working on it. Not sure why my moms family see's her behavior as acceptable and ok but it ends with me.
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